I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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