Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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