I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
