We won't sleep together?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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