tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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