I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
