i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
