u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize