I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
