I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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