it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
