And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
