Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
