dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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