we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
