I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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