she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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