I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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