Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
