There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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