oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
