last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
