we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
