i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
