just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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