my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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