you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
