I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
