i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
