By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
