If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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