he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
