she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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