Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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