I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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