I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im six kinds of drunk right now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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