I just saw a hot homeless man
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
