I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have fence marks all over my body
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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