either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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