He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
