I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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