I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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