You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
