Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
