capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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