My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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