Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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