i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
