Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
