I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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