wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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