but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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