Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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