This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dicks are not precious.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
