I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize