I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
