you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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