I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
