Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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