just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
