Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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