Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
