Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
