On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
