no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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