the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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