11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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