Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
