apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
