Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
