I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
