im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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