She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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