apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
