WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
