Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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