I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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