Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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